What is a “bully?” A lot of attention has been given to this type of individual lately. Local schools are being challenged by students’ parents to find a solution to the problem of bullying. Schools also have a problem with racist remarks and symbols being used. Is a solution possible to these problems?
Bullies have been and will continue to be part of any society. This is an individual who has very low self-esteem and seeks recognition through intimidation. Though small in number, bullies are usually larger in size than their victims. They require a victim to boost their confidence and self-esteem. Most bullies are cowards. When a potential victim stands up to the bully, the bully looks for another potential victim. However, many victims are afraid of the threats made by their bullying enemy and choose to let the bullying continue. When this happens, the bully’s needs are satisfied.
Why does a bully exist? Like most problems in society, we can look to the family for a possible answer. When the structure of family is broken, it trickles up to the larger groups in our society. Take a moment to realize what kids face in today’s world. They are told that society is divided into groups. These groups are defined by various elements. Ethnicity, gender and perceived social status are a few of the areas where kids try to make sense of these choices. Kids see hyphenated Americans, sexual identity and a school life that is defined by threatened teacher strikes and subject grades, not to mention their desire to be part of the “popular” group.
Parents can be a major factor with bullies. The bully may come from a single parent household where Mom or Dad works long hours to afford the cost of daily life. Even homes where two parents are present have concerns that may interfere with spending time with their kids. Some parents want to be their kids’ friend instead of their parent, not setting any rules for fear of their kid’s disapproval. Face-to-face interaction has been replaced with texting, manners with disrespect and success with money. Teachers walk a fine line between keeping their classrooms orderly and not speaking any words that a student may find offensive. Some parents are quick to condemn any teacher that even attempts to correct the bad behavior a student may have brought from home.
In addition to bullying, we have some students who take the bully part of their being and add words or symbols to intimidate others. This is easier than picking on one individual. Spray painting a swastika on a wall will affect quite a few people. Referring to someone with a racial slur travels far beyond the one victim. But, have we become so paranoid concerning this term “racist” that we now have accusations of racism, even when it does not exist? If we don’t agree with another’s opinion, are we racist?
Should schools police the students and inflict harsh punishment on any perceived offender? Should schools attempt to administer values on students through classes on diversity and inclusiveness? Should schools segregate those who bully others to protect their victims? Should we be looking at our movies, music and TV shows and the type of values they instill? Should we blame the recent election? Is it time to stop blaming others and take some responsibility? What is the answer to these issues?
Kids reflect their family, their friends, and their society. So, the answer may not only be the schools. The answer may not only be the music, TV or movies. The answer to bullying and racism just might be found with me. I may need to spend more time with my kids and talk about their views, ideas and values. I may need to be more of a parent instead of a friend, realizing that the true job of any parent is to prepare children to one day leave the home and be a responsible adult who has learned to be a good example to others. Though it may not seem like the answer to some people, it may be a good place to start.
Allan Bach
Hellertown
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